10 Weeks!

Wow, we're 10 weeks along. Time flies! We are officially 25 percent done with this pregnancy. I feel like we're kind of plodding along without much activity these days. I don't have any doctors' appointments for another couple of weeks and my life is officially just consumed with bar prep. I'm trying to work around my constant fatigue to manage my bar study schedule, so the latest schedule try is as follows: I go to class in the morning, come home around 1:30pm and eat lunch, take a nap for 2-3 hours, then have a snack and start studying. This schedule is working for me so far, so we'll keep it up as long as necessary.

How Big is Baby?: The size of a prune

Total weight gain/loss: Still holding strong at 0. Occasionally I will be up a pound or so, but I chalk that up to constipation or fluid retention or something like that because it's typically gone the next day.

Next Appointment: Waiting to hear from the hospital where my OB is located for my NT scan appointment. It will probably be in about 2 weeks. One week prior, I go for my blood testing, then I can get my results on the day of the scan.

Maternity clothes? Nope. Which also helps keep the pregnancy a secret from classmates. All good!

Stretch marks: None from this baby, at least!

Sleep: ALL THE TIME. Still. This baby is just like her mama and wants sleep all the time.

Best moment this week: I told my UCLA friends this week. I have friends from undergrad who live in the Boston area, so we get together once a month for dinner to make sure we get a chance to hang out. I knew I wanted to tell them this month, especially because this was probably the last dinner we'd have with our dear Stevie Lee for a bit (she is about 3 weeks away from her due date). When I told them about the baby, Stevie just looked at me with her mouth agape and didn't know how to respond. Then she burst into tears immediately. It was the most adorable thing how excited she was--and how excited all my friends were. My friend's boyfriend Mark said he was suspicious because I wasn't drinking alcohol and I had no good reason why I wouldn't since I'm done with finals. I think that actually may be an indictment of me and my normal drinking habits. But hands down, they had the best reaction to the news and I was so happy to share my news with them in person. I was just kind of friends with them from student groups and our summer job as orientation counselors one year, but I feel like we are all closer now after the past few years of living here.

Miscellaneous info: There was a scary moment this week when I heard from the OB's office regarding the testing we had done and I was told that I am a Cystic Fibrosis carrier. This is typically rare in African Americans, and more common in Caucasians. Thanks, Mom? Now Spyro needs to go get tested at some point next week. If he is negative, then we're fine. If he's positive, our baby has a 25% chance of having CF. So, that means more invasive testing like a CVS or amnio to find out. *sigh* Just thinking good thoughts.

Movement: Nope, not yet. Can't wait until I feel those little flutters though.

Food cravings: Nope. Although I spent a week thinking about spinach and artichoke dip, so I bought the ingredients for it today.

Food aversions: I've been having a tough time with creamy foods and often just get grossed out with the thought of eating. The past few nights, I've been eating weird dinners, like cereal and salad. The idea of eating is terrible. Hoping I get over it because I've just been otherwise hungry since I snack on nonsense all day.

Gender: still have about 2 months before we find out. I NEED TO KNOW!!!

Belly Button in or out: In. I used to be so grossed out by the thought of an outie, but I saw my pregnant friend the other day and she had an outie. I was fascinated by poking it, which is super embarrassing (luckily she was really nice about it).

What I miss: Still cocktails/wine. That's about it.

What I am looking forward to: Hopefully a favorable CF test result for Spyro.

Contractions: No! Very unwanted until full term :)

Milestones: Our little gummy bear has fingernails and hair. I can't wait to see that head of hair our baby has! I have a ton of super curly hair and once upon a time, so did Spyro. 

9 Weeks

How Big is Baby?: The size of a green olive

Total weight gain/loss: 0. Thank God I haven't gained anything, but I am a liiiiittle bummed I haven't lost anything. I guess I can chalk that up to not having any morning sickness or other nausea. Not even one episode of throwing up. For that, I am SUPER thankful!

Next Appointment: Still need to make it, but it will probably be for the NT scan between 11-13 weeks.

Maternity clothes? None necessary. I did realize this weekend I should be wearing my larger sized pants because of the bloating at my waist, but I'm not quite to the rubber band around the button/Bella band level yet.

Stretch marks: None from this baby, at least!

Sleep: ALL THE TIME. I can't get enough sleep. I got 10 hours of sleep last night and still wanted to take a nap today. I slept during long distance car drives this weekend. My body still craves sleep. When I'm done writing this, I'm going to bed.

Best moment this week: A few great ones that I want to blog about. I will just say that they are 1) telling my family about the baby at my graduation dinner, 2) graduating from law school (not baby related, but definitely a wonderful moment this week!), and 3) my 9 week ultrasound.

Movement: Nothing I can feel, but I know Baby A is wiggling around in there like crazy.

Food cravings: Nothing really. I just take them as they come. Nothing crazy. Still on my caesar salad kick. 

Food aversions: Nothing I can think of, but sometimes I get grossed out in the middle of eating something and have to toss it. Tonight, I ate half a hot dog and was doing OK, but then took one more bite and thought I was going to throw up.

Gender: still have about 2 months before we find out. I NEED TO KNOW!!!

Belly Button in or out: In. I feel like I will never have an outie. *knock on wood*

What I miss: Deli sandwiches. I'm being one of those overly anxious, by the book first time parents. And cocktails. Ohhh, how I miss cocktails. Just the social nature of going to drinks with friends.

What I am looking forward to: Hearing the heartbeat on the doppler. I think I'm going to get one soon so I can wait to hear our little one.

Contractions: No! Hopefully not for another 30 or so weeks!

Milestones: Our little gummy bear is officially a fetus! Keep growing, little one. Mommy and Daddy love you so much already!

8 Weeks

How far along: 8 weeks

How big is Baby: The size of a raspberry

Maternity Clothes: Nope, not yet. I'm kind of glad that summer is pretty much here because it means maxi dresses and other loose-fitting clothing and maybe getting to wait on buying maternity clothing.

Movement: Not yet. I'm still anxious for the time I can feel this little one kicking and punching!

Food cravings: It depends on what people mention to me. Last night, after hearing about someone eating pancakes, I had pancakes and bacon. I'm still craving caesar salad and ate one the past two days.

Food aversions: The smell of parmesan cheese is grossing me out, particularly when on garlic bread. Smelling Spyro making that the other day was enough to make me run to the other room on the verge of throwing up. 

Gender: Still have another 10 weeks or so until we find out. I still have the feeling we're having a boy, but that almost psychs me out and makes me think girl. 

Symptoms: Still had a little bit of cramping this week again, enormous veins in my chest, and fatigue. Also, constipation. Sorry, but true. The salads are helping.

What do I miss: The time when I didn't have so much fear about doing something wrong and hurting the baby. I almost feel like I live in constant fear of being a good incubator. It's honestly one of the terrible side effects of trying so hard and for so long to have a baby. 

Best moment this week: Knowing that the little gummy bear is measuring right on track and was just fine as of our ultrasound the other day. I have now been able to get a full night's sleep and don't feel as worried about my lack of nausea--just very thankful!

What I am looking forward to: Telling my family on Thursday! Also seeing our little one on ultrasound again next week. Assuming a good ultrasound next Friday, I will be released to an OB.

Milestones: Our little gummy bear is starting to move this week! 

Baby A's "Twin"

On a few of my birth month boards, women have been popping up with losses after their first ultrasound where they saw their baby's heartbeat already. That rate is supposed to be low, but each one freaked me out, especially when the woman had no cramping or spotting or anything that would indicate miscarriage. A week ago, I lost a lot of my pregnancy symptoms and that scared me so badly, I was losing sleep at night and worrying myself to tears during the day. So much so that I called my RE's office and begged to come in this week for another ultrasound, just about 10 or so days after the first one, and about 10 days before my next one. 

The ultrasound experience was fine. But, this tech was not very chatty and was not showing me anything on the screen. When she left the room to get the doctor, she was talking to me in a baby soft voice and in that moment, my heart sank and I was convinced that Baby A was no longer. I just started silently crying because I was convinced that if nothing was wrong, she would have said something about the baby's heartbeat or measurements or something.

The doctor came into the room and still, no one showed me anything on the screen. Spyro was so sweet and was holding my hand and looking at the screen, so to put me at ease, he asks the doctor "Is that the heartbeat?" When she said yes, I went from tears of mourning to tears of joy. He knew exactly what to do to reassure me, since neither the tech nor the doctor ever said anything about the baby during the entire scan . . . and DUH, that's why I went! I wanted to know if Baby A was OK!

I knew there was something wrong as they were doing the measurements because they were doing a bunch of different stuff and taking a long time to do it. It turns out they were dealing with my fibroid. I got the fibroid during this pregnancy and based on the measurements taken of it at this ultrasound, the fibroid has almost doubled in size since the last ultrasound. It's now over 3cm around and it's apparently exophytic (which means it's outside the uterus). And at 3cm, it's bigger than Baby A. I asked my RE nurse about it at my "appointment" with her afterward, and she had no information for me. Helpful. So I consulted Dr. Google, which then terrified the ever-loving shit out of me. While this type of fibroid won't lead to the placenta separating from the wall of the uterus, there is a chance that it can twist around my fallopian tubes and cause other damage. And it can also grow to be huge, which means I will probably show sooner and get bigger than I would normally during pregnancy. Awesome. And this is apparently part of my genetic legacy, since African American women are more likely to get fibroids in pregnancy.

That alien-like ball in the middle of the intestines coming off the ute is an exophytic fundal fibroid. 

I will get more information on Leonard (yes, I have named the fibroid) at my doctor's appointment next week, but it's yet another thing that scares me. I want to have a normal delivery, but depending on the size of the fibroid, it could push me to have a c-section. I don't want to deal with the pain if the fibroid dies, which could lead to some hospitalization. And on top of it, I'm really scared to be on a cross-country trip in the car for 2-3 weeks when there's a chance the fibroid could cause hospitalizing complications. So now we're reconsidering the trip we've been looking forward to so much for about a year. I'm just so frustrated and annoyed with this and wish I had real answers.

7 Weeks

How far along: 7 weeks

How big is Baby: The size of a blueberry

Maternity Clothes: Nope, not yet. Some pants are uncomfortable, but not many. I did buy some maternity clothes for work when I'll be really big bellied, but only because they were heavily on sale.

Movement: Not yet. I'm so anxious for the time I can feel this little one kicking and punching!

Food cravings: None really. I've been less hungry the past week than I have been in prior weeks, but it still depends from day to day whether I'm super hungry or whether I just have a normal appetite.

Food aversions: Nothing. I've been eating the types of things I normally eat. 

Gender: Still have another 12 weeks or so until we find out. I still have the feeling we're having a boy. So does Spyro. We will be really surprised (but still happy!) if this baby is a girl.

Symptoms: A little bit of cramping this week again, enormous veins in my chest, and fatigue. I think I take a nap every day around 5-6pm until about 8pm.

What do I miss: The other day, I really wanted a Subway sandwich. So I guess that qualifies as missing something, since I really dislike heated deli meats.

Best moment this week: We went out to dinner the other night, and in the same strip mall complex was a Babies r' Us. Last week, we went in there and were browsing car seats and gliders and a bunch of other baby stuff and after our ultrasound last week, it was my second favorite moment. Anyway, after dinner we planned to go to Home Depot, but Spyro very nearly kidnapped me and made me return to Babies r' Us because he loves looking at the baby stuff. Although I was exhausted and just wanted to get our errands done so I could go home, I thought it was adorable.

What I am looking forward to: Assuming a good doctor's appointment the Tuesday after next, I'm really looking forward to telling my family in just under 2 weeks.

Milestones: Our little gummy bear is developing arm and leg buds this week. The arms and legs that will contain his or her hands and feet, and 10 perfect little fingers and toes. I can't wait to hold those little hands and kiss those tiny little toes.

Sleeping Beauty, Sleepless Beauty

My life has been pretty low key lately. Since I finished finals, I've been lounging around the house, occasionally emerging to run errands. This has also given me the ability to get more sleep than I can remember getting in my adult years, generally. No matter when I wake up in the morning, I get tired around 5pm or so. I typically lay down then--even if I don't nap--and sleep or relax until about 8pm. I stay awake until about 1-2am, then go back to sleep for the night. It's a weird schedule, but one that my body is dictating to me and I'm not fighting it because I've been sleeping so well . . .

Until last night. Spyro told me I was tossing and turning all night. I knew I was too. I could feel it. I just couldn't get comfortable. As a natural tummy sleeper, the increasing bloat from this pregnancy (and maybe just the pregnancy itself. Not quite sure.) is making it SO HARD to get comfortable and go to sleep. Sleeping on my left side is OK for a while, but then my hip starts to get irritated. Sleeping on my right side feels unnatural and annoying and I inevitably shift because I hate it so much. I can't live like this for the next 33 weeks! But it seems like it's too early to buy all those pregnancy pillows and stuff like that--I don't have the pregnancy belly yet. But I need a solution because I already feel like a zombie and the day is still young. If anyone is dealing with this/dealt with this, HELP!

6 Weeks

How far along: 6 weeks

How big is baby: the size of a sweet pea

Maternity Clothes: Nope, none for a while, I hope! Although this bloat is ridiculous.

Movement: Not for a while.

Food cravings: All my random cravings from last week have essentially disappeared. Except the one for caesar salad. I still want that all the time. And I can't get enough meat. I had to go have a "real" hamburger the other day and will be making lasagna tonight. 

Food aversions: Nothing. So far, I just seem to go between eating normally and wanting to eat the world.

Gender: Still have another 12 weeks or so until we find out.

Symptoms: Nothing really. Although, yesterday I inadvertently skipped lunch, so by the time dinner came, I hadn't eaten anything in about 10 hours. I felt very queasy and thought eating would make me feel better, but it didn't. I was slightly nauseated for the rest of the night until I went to bed. My extreme fatigue has gone away and I'm otherwise feeling normal.

What do I miss: I am still avoiding friends in situations where there might be alcohol because I'm still not ready with a good story about why I'm not having wine right now, during a time when we have no responsibilities.

Best moment this week: Hands down, it was seeing our little one at the ultrasound. And seeing the heartbeat. It was beautiful and makes me want to cry just thinking about it now.

What I am looking forward to: I'm really looking forward to our next ultrasound . . . but that won't be for another few weeks. 

Milestones: Baby is growing his/her eyes, chin, cheeks, ears, and nose this week. I can't help but wonder which features our baby will get. Spyro and I decided that we hope the baby gets my chin, a combo of our noses, and a combo of our eyes (my shape and his color). In reality, if we have a baby girl, I think Spyro would be beside himself with happiness if she looked just like me . . . in fact, he's told me as much.

The Most Beautiful Baby in the World

I had my first ultrasound this morning and what an incredible experience it was! The ultrasound tech first did an abdominal ultrasound where she was able to see that the pregnancy was intrauterine. Cue the first round of tears. Spyro sat at my feet and rubbed one to console me through my (happy) tears. Then the doctor came in and they did all kinds of painful things with a transvaginal ultrasound wand. I can't even describe the level of pain I felt. But it was worth it when we got to see this:

Ignore the camera flash glare. My baby doesn't have a halo or anything like that.

If you can see the round dot thing above the flash glare, that is the sac. And kind of drowned out by that flash is our baby. I am 5w6d today, but the baby measures ahead very slightly at 6w exactly. And even though I had braced myself to not see a heartbeat because it's still early, Baby A surprised me by having a very strong heartbeat already. S/he had a heart rate of 109 bpm. Cue round 2 of tears.

I later met with my OB nurse who informed me that I have a uterine fibroid . . . first time I've heard that! Luckily it's still small. I'm hoping it stays small so there are no complications with the pregnancy and everything is fine. The nurse thinks it shouldn't pose any problems, so I am not feeling too upset (even after a potentially disastrous consultation with Dr. Google, which then kicked up every bit of hypochondria and fear in me).

I feel like the happiest person in the world today. We are already so in love with this baby, it's ridiculous.

Holy Bloat!

First, the good news--I'm officially done with law school! I submitted my last final exam today. I am looking forward to not waking up to an alarm clock and reading interesting books.

Second, I am 5w2d today. Just four more days until we (hopefully) get to see Baby A on the ultrasound!!

Tonight, I had my monthly dinner with friends from undergrad. There are several of us living in the Boston area (thanks to the number of colleges in the area and the number of people I know who are getting graduate degrees). We've been getting together once a month since my first year of law school and we rotate who is responsible for sending out the Doodle poll and picking the restaurant. Because I was taking a final all day, I was not fit for human consumption, and because I was so exhausted after I finished, I loafed around the apartment for far too long and ran around with Muppet hands trying to get ready. I put on a pair of jeans that I normally like--they're generally more on the snug side, but I like that because they don't get too loose and baggy when I wear them. The legs fit perfectly, which was great. However, they were SUPER snug on my tummy tonight, but I chalked it up to some minor pregnancy bloat and rushed out of the house to make it there on time . . . . 

Until I sat in the car and realized I couldn't breathe. At all. I was gasping for air because the pants were SO TIGHT on my waist while sitting. I had to undo the button and zipper on them so I could take regular breaths again. But because I was running late, I didn't have the heart to run back into the apartment to change clothes. I ended up just buttoning up the long cardigan I was wearing all the way to the bottom to cover my unbuttoned pants, so (hopefully) my friends didn't notice! One of my friends in the group is pregnant (she is one of those I know who got pregnant with a honeymoon baby), and is due in late June. It was great to talk to her about her pregnancy and enlighten other people in our group about pregnancy-related things, all the while keeping my own pregnancy under wraps until at least our dinner next month!

Lessons of the day: 1) Toss out all the tight clothes without elastic/loose waistbands. 2) Come up with a better story about why I'm not drinking socially anymore. 

5 Weeks

How far along: 5 weeks

How big is Baby: The size of an appleseed

Maternity Clothes: Nope, none for a while, I hope!

Movement: Not for a while.

Food cravings: It changes all the time. On Friday, I wanted a piece of pizza from Pizzeria Regina (but only the one in the North End), a huge caesar salad, Chicken McNuggets, and a crispy fair/amusement park corn dog. Just depended on the time of day when I was asked.

Food aversions: Nothing. So far, I just seem to go between eating normally and wanting to eat the world.

Gender: Still have another 13 weeks or so until we find out.

Symptoms: TERRIBLE break outs, very fatigued, and cramping. No one tells you how you will have intermittent cramping that feels like menstrual cramps, so it will freak you out. At least, it's been freaking me out!

What do I miss: Nothing yet. I'm loving every minute of thinking about becoming a mommy.

Best moment this week: The other night, Spyro and I were making the bed. We were going to lay down in bed and look at baby stuff (nothing to buy yet, but just to get an idea of what's out there and what we would get down the line). He looked at me and said "I'm so happy. I have everything I want in life. My wife is pregnant, I have a snack, and 'Due Date' [the movie with Zack Galifiniakis and Robert Downey Jr.] is on." That, in tandem with us laying in bed on Friday and Spyro just tearing up and putting his head down onto my stomach and giving the baby kisses. He's so smitten already and so happy and it warms my heart thinking of what a great daddy he will be.

What I am looking forward to: Our first ultrasound next Friday!! I'll be 5w6d, so maybe too early to see the baby, but I am crossing my fingers that maybe baby is ahead of the curve in that respect.

Milestones: Baby is officially an embryo. And apparently now measurable, even though tiny!

Snuggle In, Little One

When the nurse called on Monday with my beta results and freaked me out about the numbers, she asked me to come back today for a repeat draw. Instead of being scared, I just felt this odd sense of calm confidence, like I knew everything would be OK.

Spyro dropped me off and I went for the draw. My poor inner elbow is all bruised up from the repeated blood draws (4 over the last week). So, when my number came back, I wasn't surprised at all. My beta level went up to 395! That's a doubling rate of roughly 41 hours. Thankfully the nurse is OK with this now, so I can stop being a human pin cushion for a few weeks. Tomorrow I will set up my first ultrasound appointment for about 6 weeks so we can see our little button--and hopefully his or her little heartbeat--for the first time.

So, today I am 4w4d. No nausea yet. No real symptoms except some cramping that I am chalking up to my uterus stretching out. I just find myself drinking a lot and peeing a lot more than normal. That's it. I otherwise feel phenomenal and so, so blessed.

Beta 2 Is In! - 4w2d

I went for my second beta draw today.

176!!!


This means that my doubling time is about 36.9 hours. I am over the moon with excitement and relief. In fact, as soon as I hung up with my RE's nurse, I burst into tears with happiness. The nurse told me that my beta doubling time is a bit higher than they usually like (WTF?! According to Dr. Google, it's perfectly normal!), so I'll be going back on Wednesday for a repeat draw. Assuming everything is going well, I'll go in either late next week or early the following week for my first ultrasound and to hopefully see our little one's heartbeat!

Beyond that, they also tested my TSH, which is still higher than they'd like. My dose of Synthroid is being moved up from 25 mcg to 75 mcg. Not a huge deal to me, especially when compared to talking about my baby! Hopefully getting my thyroid regulated helps me to perk up my energy a little bit and be the best prenatal mama.

When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window

A lot of my thoughts for the last few weeks have revolved around the concept of an ending. The last day of law school. The last time I'll get together with certain groups of people. My upcoming graduation. The impending end of our time in Boston.

This is also the time of new beginnings. The start of my legal career. Starting our lives anew in Los Angeles. There are so many things for which I am grateful, and not the least of which was what I found the other day:

How I got to this amazing result is kind of a funny story. On Wednesday, I used a cheap internet strip to test my urine. I waited for about 2 minutes and didn't see a thing. I assumed it was yet another one of my negative test results, so I put it into the little pink package it came in and tossed it. Later in the afternoon I was reading that those strips can take a while for the results to show. I went to the restroom and on a lark, decided to look at my old test strip, expecting to see the same stark white I've seen for months on months on months. Instead, I saw a faint pink line. I mentally freaked out for a bit, but also knew I couldn't trust that result because it had been sitting for hours.

I guzzled water for the next few hours and then peed on another strip. I watched it like a hawk for five minutes and sure enough, a faint pink line came up within the time limit. I called my sister and told her and she burst into tears. She's had three kids of her own, but she hasn't yet been an aunt.

I tried to keep it a secret from Spyro, but that didn't work too well. I made it about a day before I broke down. Last night I had dinner with some friends from 1L year and he picked me up afterward. He dropped me off at our apartment building and went to go find parking. I raced in the house to pee (which, btw, it seems is all I do these days), and decided to take the above test. Thank God it came out positive, so I could enact my plan! I put it on Spyro's nightstand and mostly covered it with his sleep mask. When he came into the house, I told him I saw something weird on his side of the room. He thought I was talking about a spider, so he went over to his nightstand and ended up moving the sleep mask, showing the test. He got this big grin on his face, ran across the room, and gave me a huge hug and kiss.

As of today, I am 4 weeks along. My beta came back from Thursday at 29, and my repeat beta is on Monday. So far, my only side effects are that I'm extremely thirsty and have to go to the bathroom a lot. We plan on telling our families at my graduation when I am almost 9 weeks along, then coming out to other friends after the first trimester. I couldn't keep it a secret from all of you though because, well, you would start to question why I wasn't talking about my TTC journey anymore! I just ask that if we are real life friends or if you know me on Facebook or Twitter, please please please don't mention it there!

Although I'm terrified by what the future holds, I celebrate today because I am pregnant. And it feels amazing to say that!