Holy Bloat!

First, the good news--I'm officially done with law school! I submitted my last final exam today. I am looking forward to not waking up to an alarm clock and reading interesting books.

Second, I am 5w2d today. Just four more days until we (hopefully) get to see Baby A on the ultrasound!!

Tonight, I had my monthly dinner with friends from undergrad. There are several of us living in the Boston area (thanks to the number of colleges in the area and the number of people I know who are getting graduate degrees). We've been getting together once a month since my first year of law school and we rotate who is responsible for sending out the Doodle poll and picking the restaurant. Because I was taking a final all day, I was not fit for human consumption, and because I was so exhausted after I finished, I loafed around the apartment for far too long and ran around with Muppet hands trying to get ready. I put on a pair of jeans that I normally like--they're generally more on the snug side, but I like that because they don't get too loose and baggy when I wear them. The legs fit perfectly, which was great. However, they were SUPER snug on my tummy tonight, but I chalked it up to some minor pregnancy bloat and rushed out of the house to make it there on time . . . . 

Until I sat in the car and realized I couldn't breathe. At all. I was gasping for air because the pants were SO TIGHT on my waist while sitting. I had to undo the button and zipper on them so I could take regular breaths again. But because I was running late, I didn't have the heart to run back into the apartment to change clothes. I ended up just buttoning up the long cardigan I was wearing all the way to the bottom to cover my unbuttoned pants, so (hopefully) my friends didn't notice! One of my friends in the group is pregnant (she is one of those I know who got pregnant with a honeymoon baby), and is due in late June. It was great to talk to her about her pregnancy and enlighten other people in our group about pregnancy-related things, all the while keeping my own pregnancy under wraps until at least our dinner next month!

Lessons of the day: 1) Toss out all the tight clothes without elastic/loose waistbands. 2) Come up with a better story about why I'm not drinking socially anymore. 

5 Weeks

How far along: 5 weeks

How big is Baby: The size of an appleseed

Maternity Clothes: Nope, none for a while, I hope!

Movement: Not for a while.

Food cravings: It changes all the time. On Friday, I wanted a piece of pizza from Pizzeria Regina (but only the one in the North End), a huge caesar salad, Chicken McNuggets, and a crispy fair/amusement park corn dog. Just depended on the time of day when I was asked.

Food aversions: Nothing. So far, I just seem to go between eating normally and wanting to eat the world.

Gender: Still have another 13 weeks or so until we find out.

Symptoms: TERRIBLE break outs, very fatigued, and cramping. No one tells you how you will have intermittent cramping that feels like menstrual cramps, so it will freak you out. At least, it's been freaking me out!

What do I miss: Nothing yet. I'm loving every minute of thinking about becoming a mommy.

Best moment this week: The other night, Spyro and I were making the bed. We were going to lay down in bed and look at baby stuff (nothing to buy yet, but just to get an idea of what's out there and what we would get down the line). He looked at me and said "I'm so happy. I have everything I want in life. My wife is pregnant, I have a snack, and 'Due Date' [the movie with Zack Galifiniakis and Robert Downey Jr.] is on." That, in tandem with us laying in bed on Friday and Spyro just tearing up and putting his head down onto my stomach and giving the baby kisses. He's so smitten already and so happy and it warms my heart thinking of what a great daddy he will be.

What I am looking forward to: Our first ultrasound next Friday!! I'll be 5w6d, so maybe too early to see the baby, but I am crossing my fingers that maybe baby is ahead of the curve in that respect.

Milestones: Baby is officially an embryo. And apparently now measurable, even though tiny!

Snuggle In, Little One

When the nurse called on Monday with my beta results and freaked me out about the numbers, she asked me to come back today for a repeat draw. Instead of being scared, I just felt this odd sense of calm confidence, like I knew everything would be OK.

Spyro dropped me off and I went for the draw. My poor inner elbow is all bruised up from the repeated blood draws (4 over the last week). So, when my number came back, I wasn't surprised at all. My beta level went up to 395! That's a doubling rate of roughly 41 hours. Thankfully the nurse is OK with this now, so I can stop being a human pin cushion for a few weeks. Tomorrow I will set up my first ultrasound appointment for about 6 weeks so we can see our little button--and hopefully his or her little heartbeat--for the first time.

So, today I am 4w4d. No nausea yet. No real symptoms except some cramping that I am chalking up to my uterus stretching out. I just find myself drinking a lot and peeing a lot more than normal. That's it. I otherwise feel phenomenal and so, so blessed.

Beta 2 Is In! - 4w2d

I went for my second beta draw today.

176!!!


This means that my doubling time is about 36.9 hours. I am over the moon with excitement and relief. In fact, as soon as I hung up with my RE's nurse, I burst into tears with happiness. The nurse told me that my beta doubling time is a bit higher than they usually like (WTF?! According to Dr. Google, it's perfectly normal!), so I'll be going back on Wednesday for a repeat draw. Assuming everything is going well, I'll go in either late next week or early the following week for my first ultrasound and to hopefully see our little one's heartbeat!

Beyond that, they also tested my TSH, which is still higher than they'd like. My dose of Synthroid is being moved up from 25 mcg to 75 mcg. Not a huge deal to me, especially when compared to talking about my baby! Hopefully getting my thyroid regulated helps me to perk up my energy a little bit and be the best prenatal mama.

When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window

A lot of my thoughts for the last few weeks have revolved around the concept of an ending. The last day of law school. The last time I'll get together with certain groups of people. My upcoming graduation. The impending end of our time in Boston.

This is also the time of new beginnings. The start of my legal career. Starting our lives anew in Los Angeles. There are so many things for which I am grateful, and not the least of which was what I found the other day:

How I got to this amazing result is kind of a funny story. On Wednesday, I used a cheap internet strip to test my urine. I waited for about 2 minutes and didn't see a thing. I assumed it was yet another one of my negative test results, so I put it into the little pink package it came in and tossed it. Later in the afternoon I was reading that those strips can take a while for the results to show. I went to the restroom and on a lark, decided to look at my old test strip, expecting to see the same stark white I've seen for months on months on months. Instead, I saw a faint pink line. I mentally freaked out for a bit, but also knew I couldn't trust that result because it had been sitting for hours.

I guzzled water for the next few hours and then peed on another strip. I watched it like a hawk for five minutes and sure enough, a faint pink line came up within the time limit. I called my sister and told her and she burst into tears. She's had three kids of her own, but she hasn't yet been an aunt.

I tried to keep it a secret from Spyro, but that didn't work too well. I made it about a day before I broke down. Last night I had dinner with some friends from 1L year and he picked me up afterward. He dropped me off at our apartment building and went to go find parking. I raced in the house to pee (which, btw, it seems is all I do these days), and decided to take the above test. Thank God it came out positive, so I could enact my plan! I put it on Spyro's nightstand and mostly covered it with his sleep mask. When he came into the house, I told him I saw something weird on his side of the room. He thought I was talking about a spider, so he went over to his nightstand and ended up moving the sleep mask, showing the test. He got this big grin on his face, ran across the room, and gave me a huge hug and kiss.

As of today, I am 4 weeks along. My beta came back from Thursday at 29, and my repeat beta is on Monday. So far, my only side effects are that I'm extremely thirsty and have to go to the bathroom a lot. We plan on telling our families at my graduation when I am almost 9 weeks along, then coming out to other friends after the first trimester. I couldn't keep it a secret from all of you though because, well, you would start to question why I wasn't talking about my TTC journey anymore! I just ask that if we are real life friends or if you know me on Facebook or Twitter, please please please don't mention it there!

Although I'm terrified by what the future holds, I celebrate today because I am pregnant. And it feels amazing to say that!

The End

Today is my final day of law school classes. In some ways, I feel as if I've been away from my family and friends for a lifetime. On the other hand, this last year has flown by and law school feels like it went past in the blink of an eye.

Because my husband and I are huge nerds:

My first day of law school - September 2009

Last day of law school - April 2012

My only hope is that I don't look too much more worse for wear. But it's clear to see how much lazier I've gotten--I went from at least a little bit of makeup to basically just rolling out of bed and going to class. 

Of course I couldn't have done it without the love and support of my friends and family, but particularly my wonderful husband. He is truly my rock in everything I do and I am so blessed to have him as my partner. 

Now, I just have some hard work in preparing for my finals and finishing up my internship between me and graduation. Because it's such a busy time of year, I have not focused too much on TTC. I am currently at 10 DPO and just waiting to see which way this cycle takes me. I haven't felt any huge symptoms or anything that would make me feel differently about this cycle as opposed to those past. If it works, of course we will be over the moon. If not, I know that I'm going to end up having to take a cycle off while the RE gets all the testing together (all the testing that my prior OBGYN said wasn't necessary to repeat on CD 3 . . . grrrrr). But that means we can still get in two rounds of IUI if I can fit all that stuff in while studying for the bar exam. Sounds crazy, but so worth it to us!

Here are the rules:

1. Post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
3. Create 11 new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
4. Tag 11 people and link them to your post.
5. Let them know you’ve tagged them.

1. What is your all-time favorite food?
Just one?! Well, I love cheese. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Spyro calls me his little rat. If we're talking about a type of food, I have really come to love Greek food. Especially if my mother-in-law or her sister are making it. They are phenomenal cooks. And I think I ate my way through Greece last summer.

2. If you went to college, what was your major? If not, what was your favorite subject in high school?
I got a B.A. in Sociology, which qualified me to do basically nothing. I got a Master's in Education and was a teacher. Now I'm about a month away from getting a law degree.

3. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance, what would it be?
My body! No one in my family is naturally skinny (although I do have some aunts that are thin now due to gastric bypass surgery). I feel like I hit the opposite of the genetic lottery in that respect . . . although I should have some flaw to balance out my gorgeousness, right? :)

4. Beach or mountains?
BEACH! Even though I lived in Los Angeles for a number of years and basically never went to the beach, I love the idea of living on the beach and enjoying the sounds and smells and sights.

5. What is your favorite color?
Pink.

6. How tall are you?
5’6 1/2". I cling to that extra half inch.

7. If you could go any one place in the world (money is not a factor) where would you choose to go?
I'd go to Bora Bora and stay in one of those overwater bungalows. I have always wanted to do it, and I know it's crazy expensive. That, or a luxury safari in Africa. So, if money was no object, I want to pick the most expensive thing I can think of right now!

8. Who is the biggest role model in your life?
Sounds dopey, but I really look up to my husband. I think he's an amazing man and has accomplished so many great things in his life. I'd like to say that I had a hand in helping him, but he has superlative drive and motivation and it's all him.

9. When you die, how do you want to be remembered?
As a great friend, loving mother (knock on wood, fingers crossed), amazing wife, and someone who was able to be both personally and professionally outstanding.

10. Do you have a favorite quote? If so, what is it?
I have a lot of favorite quotes, so the one I picked is one that combines my smart ass sense of humor and my future profession: "Oh, a counter-offer! That's what we lawyers - I'm a lawyer - we lawyers call that a counter-offer. This is a tough decision here: get my ass kicked or collect $200. Let me think...I could use a good ass-kickin', I'll be very honest with you. Nah, I think I'll just go with the two hundred." - My Cousin Vinny

11. Make up your own question: What is your biggest fear?
Death/dying. I start to freak out when I think about it. I've seriously had panic attacks over this. It's very strange, but I've always been like this. Maybe it's my fear of the unknown? Or maybe it's because I love my life so much, I will be sad to have it end?

I got this post from my name twin, Trisha

I know I said you are supposed to tag 11 people, but I hate to make people feel obligated to answer this stuff. I will just say that anyone who reads this is automatically tagged. I also recognize I'm skipping the step of creating 11 new questions, but I wanted to make sure this was nice and readably short. I hope people choose to answer these questions though because I'd love to learn more about my readers!

The Wait

The past five days or so have been a complete whirlwind of activity. First, I have to say that it's so frustrating to plan my life around ovulation. I intended to take a short day trip with some friends from my internship last summer and then realized that the trip would probably fall on or around ovulation. This led to some manipulation of my schedule so we could get in the requisite sexy time just in case.

So, the fun stuff:

On Thursday, I went to Connecticut with my friend/schoolmate Jeremy. We met up with our friend Jeff and his boyfriend Patrick to play trivia at a Yale bar. Second place? Not too shabby!

The meeting of the really, really, ridiculously good looking club--law school edition

Jeremy and I then continued on to Stamford to spend the night. We were waking up early the next morning to witness one of the most magical spectacles on television.

The Maury Show!

Because we are still in the closet to most of our friends about TTC, I tried to surreptitiously pee in a cup to do my testing. However, I totally botched temping and peeing because, ashamedly, I normally wake up much later than I did that day and so none of the temps worked and my monitor wasn't in the window where it would accept by daily pee stick.

BUT, I had better things to look forward to. We got to the show line at 8am on Friday morning and waited until around 10:30am before we were seated and the taping began. A lot of waiting around, but it was worth it. We taped segments from three different shows: a Cheaters segment (complete with Joey Greco, whom I adore), a lie detector episode, and a paternity episode. As I told my husband, it was a trifecta of entertainment.

I was NOT the father!

After stopping for breakfast/lunch and a full debrief of the delightfulness of our trip, Jeremy and I headed back to Cambridge. I was back for maybe 2 hours before Spyro came home and we headed back out--this time, to Syracuse to visit my sister and her family. My first born nephew's birthday was this past week, so we were going to celebrate his birthday and Easter (although not our Easter since Orthodox Christians celebrate a different day. So I get two Easters! Excuse to eat more Easter candy?). Five hours later, we were in Syracuse and I got to see my sister and her fiancé for a little bit before we headed for the hotel. 

On Saturday, we spent a whole day with my family. We dyed Easter eggs which was fun when having to watch the quick little hands of my two year old niece. My husband made dinner for everyone and I was reminded again how lucky I am to have such a great partner and such a considerate person in my life. It also melted my heart for the millionth time when I watched him with my niece and how great he is with her. She adores her Uncle 'Ro. I don't know what I'm going to do when we have a baby and I see what a great daddy he is. I think I'll spend all my time just in a puddle of melty Trishaness.

This is an older pic, but they're still so cute together!

On Easter, I met my sister's fiancé's family and we had a cookout. Of course, there were a TON of kids running around. His sisters commented several times that we were great with the kids and that we were obviously ready for kids and oh, by the way, do we want kids? The whole time I just gritted my teeth and smiled and said that we'd like to have kids "someday." I didn't elaborate that we'd hoped that "someday" would have been oh, two years ago.

In terms of TTC this weekend, it was just a hot mess. Besides the Friday morning disaster of temping and peeing, I'm pretty sure I missed my positive OPK on Friday afternoon because I was on the road and using a random bathroom. Spyro and I had to try to sneak in as much BDing as possible, which was hard after having such an exhausting few days. I *think* I felt myself ovulate on Sunday morning around 2am because I had terrible AF-like cramping that went away by the morning--and a corresponding thermal shift upward when I tested at 8:30am. This type of exaggerated O pain is similar to what I felt the first month I was on Clomid, so I hope that means I got a nice, big egg!

Now we're back in the 2ww and in addition to just really wanting a kid, I'm hoping this is our cycle because I don't want to have to do injects. The thought of getting shots freaks me the heck out! Yet, because of all the craziness around my O time, I can't help but not feel optimistic. On the other hand, maybe not being hopeful is good because I'm usually hopeful and then crushed? <-----this whole paragraph is a perfect example of how TTC drives you insane!

Flur-RE of Activity

This past weekend has been a whirlwind! When my RE agreed on Friday that I could be monitored by the hospital's facilities, he asked me to come in on Saturday for the ultrasound. The sign in time on the weekends is between 7-7:45am. For a night owl like me, that was pretty much the worst news possible. DH was kind enough to go with me for moral support since the idea of the dildo cam made me a little anxious. The ultrasound tech told me that she wasn't able to easily image my left ovary--it was behind my uterus, so she couldn't see if there were any follicles developing. When the nurse called later with the results, she mentioned that there were three reasonable sized follicles growing on my right ovary: two were measured at 14-by-something (the latter numbers I don't recall because I didn't write them down). She also mentioned my endometrial lining was at 4.4 mm, which concerned me a bit. The nurse didn't seem concerned, but she did ask me to return for reimaging on Monday. I was also informed later that day that my TSH levels that were tested on Friday were a bit high, so the doctor is putting me on a low dose (25 mcg) of Synthroid.

That evening, Spyro and I went to Progressive Formal, which is the social dance/party for the progressive law student group (although it's open to everyone).

My wonderful blowout got totally mangled by the humidity from all the sweating, dancing bodies in the room (including mine). If I had to sacrifice my blowout to be able to teach the group how to Dougie, it was worth it! We went to a local bar afterward to hang out with friends, then home way too late for someone who woke up so early that day!

On Sunday, we had the pleasure of going to the first birthday party of one of the sweetest little boys I know. I met his parents through the law school's couples association--his dad is one of my classmates and his mom was president of the organization. He is such a no fuss baby--rarely cries, gets along with everyone, usually smiling. I only pray I have a baby like that!

Happy birthday, Evan!

After our busy weekend, we went back this morning for reimaging. Waking up before 6am is definitely not my idea of a good time. Even more so because I am using a Clear Blue Fertility Monitor, which requires I POAS and put it into the monitor within a 6 hour time span that I set at the beginning of the cycle. The earliest I can do it is 7:30am, which meant that I had to PIAC and leave it on my bathroom counter until I got home. I know, gross. Squicky gross. The things we do for TTC.

Luckily today, the tech was able to image my left ovary. The nurse called and said that of the three follicles that were growing in my right ovary, the smaller two were no longer of viable size. But the larger follicle is now 20x19 mm. And my left ovary has a follicle that is now at 19x12mm. My lining thickened from 4.4mm to 5.1mm in just two days. Still no sign of ovulating yet since my OPKs are stark white, but I'm hoping that all the vitamins and other craziness will lead to the cushiest possible environment for this egg.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend too. For those who are going through treatments, where are you at in the process?