The Wait

The past five days or so have been a complete whirlwind of activity. First, I have to say that it's so frustrating to plan my life around ovulation. I intended to take a short day trip with some friends from my internship last summer and then realized that the trip would probably fall on or around ovulation. This led to some manipulation of my schedule so we could get in the requisite sexy time just in case.

So, the fun stuff:

On Thursday, I went to Connecticut with my friend/schoolmate Jeremy. We met up with our friend Jeff and his boyfriend Patrick to play trivia at a Yale bar. Second place? Not too shabby!

The meeting of the really, really, ridiculously good looking club--law school edition

Jeremy and I then continued on to Stamford to spend the night. We were waking up early the next morning to witness one of the most magical spectacles on television.

The Maury Show!

Because we are still in the closet to most of our friends about TTC, I tried to surreptitiously pee in a cup to do my testing. However, I totally botched temping and peeing because, ashamedly, I normally wake up much later than I did that day and so none of the temps worked and my monitor wasn't in the window where it would accept by daily pee stick.

BUT, I had better things to look forward to. We got to the show line at 8am on Friday morning and waited until around 10:30am before we were seated and the taping began. A lot of waiting around, but it was worth it. We taped segments from three different shows: a Cheaters segment (complete with Joey Greco, whom I adore), a lie detector episode, and a paternity episode. As I told my husband, it was a trifecta of entertainment.

I was NOT the father!

After stopping for breakfast/lunch and a full debrief of the delightfulness of our trip, Jeremy and I headed back to Cambridge. I was back for maybe 2 hours before Spyro came home and we headed back out--this time, to Syracuse to visit my sister and her family. My first born nephew's birthday was this past week, so we were going to celebrate his birthday and Easter (although not our Easter since Orthodox Christians celebrate a different day. So I get two Easters! Excuse to eat more Easter candy?). Five hours later, we were in Syracuse and I got to see my sister and her fiancé for a little bit before we headed for the hotel. 

On Saturday, we spent a whole day with my family. We dyed Easter eggs which was fun when having to watch the quick little hands of my two year old niece. My husband made dinner for everyone and I was reminded again how lucky I am to have such a great partner and such a considerate person in my life. It also melted my heart for the millionth time when I watched him with my niece and how great he is with her. She adores her Uncle 'Ro. I don't know what I'm going to do when we have a baby and I see what a great daddy he is. I think I'll spend all my time just in a puddle of melty Trishaness.

This is an older pic, but they're still so cute together!

On Easter, I met my sister's fiancé's family and we had a cookout. Of course, there were a TON of kids running around. His sisters commented several times that we were great with the kids and that we were obviously ready for kids and oh, by the way, do we want kids? The whole time I just gritted my teeth and smiled and said that we'd like to have kids "someday." I didn't elaborate that we'd hoped that "someday" would have been oh, two years ago.

In terms of TTC this weekend, it was just a hot mess. Besides the Friday morning disaster of temping and peeing, I'm pretty sure I missed my positive OPK on Friday afternoon because I was on the road and using a random bathroom. Spyro and I had to try to sneak in as much BDing as possible, which was hard after having such an exhausting few days. I *think* I felt myself ovulate on Sunday morning around 2am because I had terrible AF-like cramping that went away by the morning--and a corresponding thermal shift upward when I tested at 8:30am. This type of exaggerated O pain is similar to what I felt the first month I was on Clomid, so I hope that means I got a nice, big egg!

Now we're back in the 2ww and in addition to just really wanting a kid, I'm hoping this is our cycle because I don't want to have to do injects. The thought of getting shots freaks me the heck out! Yet, because of all the craziness around my O time, I can't help but not feel optimistic. On the other hand, maybe not being hopeful is good because I'm usually hopeful and then crushed? <-----this whole paragraph is a perfect example of how TTC drives you insane!

First RE Appointment!

I was SO NERVOUS this morning before my RE appointment. It wasn't so much about meeting him as it was nervousness about actually liking him, whether I'd trust him to help us conceive, etc.

I got there 15 minutes early, then went in to have my vitals taken. I then waited for about 20 minutes or so after my appointment time and we were taken back to Dr. A. I explained by history to him, showed him my records, and waited to hear what he had to say. I actually learned a lot from him!

First, the doc put me at ease by looking at the image of my HSG from November. He showed me my uterus and said it was a "textbook" uterus, then said "It could be on the cover of a uterus magazine!" From that point, I cracked up and knew that I felt very comfortable with him.

In terms of potential issues, he noted that my FSH was high. Although it's well within the normal ranges that doctors recommend, while TTC, it should be below 2.5. My test showed a 2.75. This was about a year ago though, so I went for another test. We'll see what happens with that. We also discussed my past Clomid cycles and my current Clomid cycle. He is willing to start working with me now, so I get to wake up super early tomorrow to get a follicle scan ultrasound. We will see how well they are developing.

If this cycle doesn't work, my next step is to get another CD 3 test done. Well, I should say, get it done for the first time. When I was in the middle of an anovulatory cycle last year, the doctor had me do a panel that included the traditional CD 3 tests like estradiol and FSH. It's slightly annoying because after my first BFN cycle of Clomid, I asked my doctor if I should do a real set of CD 3 tests, since the last ones weren't technically on the right date. He pooh-poohed it and said it wasn't necessary. Dr. A disagrees. He did also mention that he didn't like using more than three rounds of Clomid, so because this is my third, my options are a bit more limited. He did say that we could try and use injects+IUI next cycle which would be fine with me, but my infertility coverage SUCKS. I only get a $5,000 yearly benefit which is definitely more than some people get, but sadly, it doesn't seem to be enough. Dr. A said that the IUI costs about $1000 with everything but meds included. However, when I include injects, he said the cost of those is like, $3,000. That seemed SUPER high to me, but I am not the professional! (Though, I did do some research with online pharmacies and the cost seems to be much lower than he anticipated, based on the number of days/amount of injects I'd need). If I can get the drugs for substantially cheaper, we could probably squeeze in two IUI cycles with injects, even if I had to pay a bit out of pocket. When I asked about the possibility of doing IUI+Femara, he said he doesn't like to use Femara because it doesn't have necessarily better results than Clomid, and he prefers to go straight to the needles.

All in all, I am happy with him. He seems like a great doctor and was awesome in answering my questions and making me feel at ease. I think that he could actually help us get pregnant, which is an amazing feeling to have. I am so hopeful for our reproductive future!

Eggsplain Yo'self!

So, our first Clomid cycle was a failure.  The only positive point I could find was that I went from not ovulating to ovulating.  OK, that's actually a huge positive point.  I should be happy.  But I was upset that our cycle didn't work.  It's really hard when someone is an overachiever in every other part of life except the point where it comes time to make babies.  The doctor kept me on 50 mg of Clomid since I responded the first time.  His idea was that I should take the least amount of medication possible and I suppose that's about right.

After our first failed Clomid cycle, I assumed that I would just keep doing the same thing I did during the previous cycle and everything would repeat--of course, with the hope that we'd catch the egg this time!  Everything was fine for me until CD 15 hit and my OPK showed stark white negative, I started to internally freak out.  Between CD 15-18, I was increasingly worried.  In retrospect, it's only a span of 5 days, but it felt like much longer!  I thought that my doctor messed up in repeating the 50 mg dosage of Clomid.  I started worrying that all my positive thinking, my giving up caffeine/soda for Lent, my taking vitamins and drinking more water was all for nothing.

You see where this is going, right?  After all my freaking out and pouting and crying, I finally got a positive OPK this morning.  Should ovulate today or tomorrow and then the 2WW awaits.  Hoping that March is our month and we are blessed with a little shamrock.  What a beautiful birthday present that would be for me!

Negative, Ghostrider

After a 17-ish day long luteal phase and numerous BFNs, AF showed her ugly head.  It's easy to be distraught about this and trust me, normally I would be.  But this month, I'm actually feeling OK about not conceiving.  This is my first spontaneous period since September 2011 and only the fourth one in the past 13 months.  I guess this means that Clomid is working for me, even on the lowest dose.  That is a tremendous relief!

Now on to Cycle 2 of Clomid.  I should find out whether I'm knocked up or not right around my birthday.  What an amazing gift that would be!  But for now, I will pop muscle relaxers and Aleve and remind myself of the silver lining in actually getting a period, which may help me smile through the pain.

Leggo My Eggo

Today is CD 22, so I took a quick trip to the doctor's office for a blood draw.  I even made sure to wait until 7 days past ovulation (or at least ovulation as detected by my OPKs and Fertility Friend) to go.  Of course my doctor forgot to put in the order, but luckily that was cleared up fairly quickly.  The blood draw is to test for my progesterone levels--although my doctor was not clear about what number I needed to see to ensure my progesterone levels are high enough, I am hoping he'll actually not be a flake and follow through.  I guess this is the downside for not using a RE and just going through an OB/GYN for now.  From scouring FF, I think that the number should be 15+ to mean ovulation, but like I said, it's a mystery.

Although I try to donate blood semi-regularly (at least I did when I was in California), I usually seem have the hardest veins to find.  Usually they poke and dig the needle around which makes me bat shit crazy.  Occasionally they will try both arms, which leaves me with colored tape wrapped around both elbows, looking like a missing member of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Sing praises that the woman who did my draw today was a miracle worker.  She got me on the first stick and I was out of the chair within a minute.  It was even better when another woman came into the room to get her baby son's blood drawn and he was a cute little rosy-cheeked sweetheart.  It just reminded me why I'm going through the cramps and the hormone roller coaster and the no drinking and everything else.

Most importantly, I hope that the blood draw reveals that I actually *did* ovulate this month.  That would be an important milestone and half the battle in my uterus!

First Post

Husband and I have been married for almost four and a half years.  We decided about a year ago that we wanted to start a family and wanted to get serious in our efforts.  Unlike in the movies--or on Teen Mom--it didn't happen on the first try.  Or the second.  Apparently I was not ovulating . . . interestingly, that's somewhat of a prerequisite to natural pregnancy.  We unfortunately had to seek assistance.

This month, I started my first round of Clomid.  Hopefully this is enough to get the eggs going!  So far I haven't suffered many of the side effects, other than a bit of hot flashes.  Hubby is thanking his lucky stars I haven't had the mood swings that Clomid can bring--I'm sure I'm not a picnic to deal with normally!

So, welcome to our journey.  It is our hope that this blog will one day grow to a discussion of my pregnancy and our lives with our children.