Patience is a Virtue

I'm linking up with Kelly's Korner today for Show Us Your Life - Suffering with Infertility.  To new readers: welcome! This will be a quick recap of our TTC journey thus far.

My husband Spyro and I have been together for nearly ten years and married for nearly five. I knew I always wanted two kids and my grand life plan when I was a kid was to get married by 26 years old, have my first child at 29, and my second child at 32. Well, I hit the marriage age perfectly, so I thought it would be easy to hit the kid targets too. Plus, my sister only seems to need to look at her boyfriend and she gets pregnant, so I thought I'd have no problem getting there too.

We started trying to conceive by not trying at all. I stopped taking birth control and we didn't prevent at all. We thought that it would just happen easily and naturally. After several years of casually trying, I stopped ovulating. I thought that it was related to life stresses at the time because I had had regular cycles previously--although I had been taking birth control for six years.

Just before my 30th birthday, I went to an OBGYN who said that everything was otherwise fine with me--and then prescribed me Provera to induce menstruation--I thought that I would just start ovulating again. That didn't happen. In August 2011, my husband and I went on vacation to Greece. While there, I had my first spontaneous period in a year. I thought that meant I was fully regulated and ready. We kept trying, but after two months of spontaneous periods, I stopped ovulating again and stopped menstruating.

In November 2011, I had an HSG which, contrary to other claims I've read online, was one of the worst experiences of my life! Perhaps it was because I felt exposed and vulnerable? The HSG showed that my tubes were clear and my uterus was "beautiful" (according to the doctor). No cysts on my ovaries. Nothing that should stop me from ovulating or getting pregnant. My doctor then prescribed Clomid to induce ovulation.

After two months of taking Clomid (unmonitored), we have yet to get a BFP. I know I have other issues, but the doctor insists on only treating me with Clomid without looking at other potential causes like hypothyroidism or anything else. I'm now fighting to try to get a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist and at least get in a few cycles of treatment with a specialist before my insurance coverage ends at the end of July and I face an infertility treatment gap until I start working for my law firm.

I often question why a couple like us who has so much love to give has struggled with infertility. It brings tears to my eyes quite often because I feel as if I am letting my husband down. All I can think is that I am learning a very valuable lesson in patience. Granted, I still want to get pregnant quickly, but this process has taught me to slow down, to prepare myself better, to look at the smaller things and be grateful for those things, and hopefully that means that I will one day be an even better mother! I wish you all the very best of luck on your TTC journey and pray that you are blessed with the child(ren) you desire.